Monday, 1 February 2010
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Spring must be coming...the pigeons are at it!
Here we are rushing toward the end of January finally! I have not written much of late because little of anything has been happening!
I didnt want to write about the 2 weeks of snow we had and about how housebound we were because all you had to do for that sort of info was turn on any news channel to be bombarded by idiot presenters freezing thier extremeties off giving continual coverage on the matter!
So I have saved up the feww odds of news for an end of month hit that will take more than 30 secs to write :)
The first news is that my youngest brother is realising a lifelong dream and releasing his first album in May which is fantastic news!!! We are all off to Dublin for the big day and are really looking forward to it! Hot on the back of that news he tells us he is now engaged and getting married next year in Athens which is just the cherry on the cake. I am seriously proud of him :)
He has just released his first track early and is donating all proceeds to the Haiti Earthquake appeal. The track is available for download here :----
http://www.downloadmusic.ie/davylewis/hold-on
Its well worth a £1 so give it a go and see why I am so proud and the fact it is not just my bias!
The hunt for work goes on in earnest and today I went for my second interview to work at Eon the gas & electric company. The job is working in a call center dealing with the debt side of things so could be interesting and a bit of a change in direction for me but should I get through the 3rd and final interview on Monday its mine! It will be soo good to be out earning again and not sitting stewing at home.
Since the snow melted I have cracked on with our excuse for a rear garden and filled a skip with a nightmare of a home made shed, that was full to the brim with rubbish, taken down a home made fence made out of old bedframes and doors and now have put up a new fence and a gate so I can get to my allotment! The new sheds are up and today I finished building the greenhouse frame and securing it to a base. I just need to scrub it down now and fit the glass so hopefully come the end of the weekend I will be ready to start my seedlings off in a few weeks time which is great! I love the spring and all the new life it inspires.
I sat in the city center square today, after my interview, enjoying the early and unseasonably warm sunshine with a cup of coffee and realised that the move up here even though its been harder work wise than we thought was well worth it. I settled my mind with the realisation that I have to let go of what is done ie my business and move forward. So In a weeks time I will be putting my old Transit up for sale and getting wifey a small cheap to run car for the city side of driving. At least that way parking wont be a problem :) I will use the family Vectra and I think my motorbike will have to go as well as its never used and is costing money just sitting there.
Surprisingly I feel no real sadness now about this so it really must be time to move on eh!
So all in all life is on the up, I can get outside again and work is looming upon the horizon. Oh and the warm sunshine has confused the Pigeons...I have never seen such bird pornography outside in full view of all in the city center today and I along with many others just had to laugh at the males convinced they were great whilst the females just looked at them as if to say "I've got a headache"
I didnt want to write about the 2 weeks of snow we had and about how housebound we were because all you had to do for that sort of info was turn on any news channel to be bombarded by idiot presenters freezing thier extremeties off giving continual coverage on the matter!
So I have saved up the feww odds of news for an end of month hit that will take more than 30 secs to write :)
The first news is that my youngest brother is realising a lifelong dream and releasing his first album in May which is fantastic news!!! We are all off to Dublin for the big day and are really looking forward to it! Hot on the back of that news he tells us he is now engaged and getting married next year in Athens which is just the cherry on the cake. I am seriously proud of him :)
He has just released his first track early and is donating all proceeds to the Haiti Earthquake appeal. The track is available for download here :----
http://www.downloadmusic.ie/davylewis/hold-on
Its well worth a £1 so give it a go and see why I am so proud and the fact it is not just my bias!
The hunt for work goes on in earnest and today I went for my second interview to work at Eon the gas & electric company. The job is working in a call center dealing with the debt side of things so could be interesting and a bit of a change in direction for me but should I get through the 3rd and final interview on Monday its mine! It will be soo good to be out earning again and not sitting stewing at home.
Since the snow melted I have cracked on with our excuse for a rear garden and filled a skip with a nightmare of a home made shed, that was full to the brim with rubbish, taken down a home made fence made out of old bedframes and doors and now have put up a new fence and a gate so I can get to my allotment! The new sheds are up and today I finished building the greenhouse frame and securing it to a base. I just need to scrub it down now and fit the glass so hopefully come the end of the weekend I will be ready to start my seedlings off in a few weeks time which is great! I love the spring and all the new life it inspires.
I sat in the city center square today, after my interview, enjoying the early and unseasonably warm sunshine with a cup of coffee and realised that the move up here even though its been harder work wise than we thought was well worth it. I settled my mind with the realisation that I have to let go of what is done ie my business and move forward. So In a weeks time I will be putting my old Transit up for sale and getting wifey a small cheap to run car for the city side of driving. At least that way parking wont be a problem :) I will use the family Vectra and I think my motorbike will have to go as well as its never used and is costing money just sitting there.
Surprisingly I feel no real sadness now about this so it really must be time to move on eh!
So all in all life is on the up, I can get outside again and work is looming upon the horizon. Oh and the warm sunshine has confused the Pigeons...I have never seen such bird pornography outside in full view of all in the city center today and I along with many others just had to laugh at the males convinced they were great whilst the females just looked at them as if to say "I've got a headache"
Monday, 4 January 2010
2010
Here we are now a few dyas into the second decade of the millenium thankfully with all of the Christmas and new year festivities behind us. All the stress of spending money on unimportant possesions for peple you dont really want anything to do with the rest of the year is over.
The new year has come in with a big freeze. Damn its cold. Weve had snow and the temp hasn't got above freezing for a good few days with another 10 days instore for us. The motorbike hasnot coped well with this. I put a new battery on just before Christmas and now the cold has killed that one as well! I wouldnt mind but I had been starting and running the bike every couple of days to warm it through and keep the battery charged so now I will have to buy a trickle charger as the battery is the gel type!
Wifeys car is on its last legs :( Im sure the thermostat has gone so a new one of those is due as well as the tax. Still with any luck the new contract for work should be starting in the next couple of weeks so some new income is hopefully forthcoming.
Now I want to come onto a bit of a serious issue. I want to talk about something that is well known but still is not talked of out in the open. My reasons for this are that someone close to me opened up to me over Christmas because they knew I have and still do suffer from this condition, although not in constant way anymore.
Depression is a common ailment today and is still hidden under the carpet as a taboo subject. I have suffered this in the extreme from full blackouts that last a couple of days, where I lose all memory and this has happened only once thank goodness, to the more everyday down in a deep rut that you just cannot pull yourself out of. When you first start getting depressed you have no idea whats happening. You just think you are really fed up! We all get down sometimes and thats just the way of things, its normal and nothing to panic about. But time passes and you start to fell really lost. You dont want to do anything and even the most simple of tasks seem like mountanous obsticles that you just wont have the energy to overcome....even something as simple as moving to make a cup of tea.
Now I know some of you are thinking thats just lazy and it can appear so from the outside but it like a living hell. This whole process was for me like being in a train tunnel dug through the side of a mountain. There is no light at either end, you have come in so far you have no idea which way is out, forward or backwards. Its just blackness in your very soul and you have no idea what to do with yourself. It doesnt matter what anyone says that hasnt been through it. No amount of people trying to cheer you up helps infact it drives you further away. You want to be left alone but that is itself a vicious circle. The more time you are by yourself the worse you feel. The more time you spend with others the worse you feel.
You do tend to hide it as well. You overcompensate in front of other people so they wont pick up on whats wrong with you. I now know that others do it as well which is crazy because we dance around the issue likes its a plague. It gets wose and worse for you as you sink deeper and deeper until you start believing you are worthless. You dont deserve to be here and you turn your thoughts to suicide. Its amazing how many ways you can kill yourself when you actually think seriously about it. Every household implement can do it. You can walk out into the road in front of a big truck or bus. Take a long walk into the ocean . Hang yourself which is quick and easy providing you do it right, if you dont it will be slow and painful. Knives for stabbing, slashing or stabbing. You get the idea.
Depression turns into desperation. You are worthless and want to die. Some do with their secret intact leaving all those behind wondering what the hell has happened. I didnt sink that deep. I was close getting to the point of having things set up to do the deed but there was still a small piece of me at the back of my mind screaming at my darkest moments to stop to do something about this. Another person told me the thing that stopped them at the brink of suicide was the realisation there was a suicide clause in their life insurance which ment the kids would get nothing.
I went to the Drs. Its the single hardest thing I had ever done explaining to a stranger what was going on, what I had been going through, what I had contemplated. Turns out I wasnt alone. It is so common out there now you shouldnt hide it and go straight to the Drs as they will help. Ok its taking tablets which in your mind makes you weak. I thought that so I didnt take them long. Dont get me wrong they made me feel better so I stopped taking them. Didnt take long to feel depressed again.
The tablets correct a chemical imbalance in the brain. You do not need them for ever in fact I havnt had any now for about 4 years but they are a tool. They are a good tool. Theres no shame in them only societies ingnorance and stigma. Thankfully the someone who I spoke at length with over Christmas has passed through the worse of the dark tunnel. They are getting help and even though the road ahead is long they will get there of that I have no doubt.
Am I cured? Nope. Ive learnt ways to deal with my depression. Simple tricks like walking the dig and working on my allotment. You learn to recognise when a bout is coming on and at times you still hit rock bottom but the tunnel is never as long these days. When I crash headlong into one there is always light at the other end.
So why all this all this as my first post in the new year? Well it is a new year a new start, perhaps we could all be a little better at understanding each other. Not be so judgemental of things we dont understand.
Heres to an excellent year :)
The new year has come in with a big freeze. Damn its cold. Weve had snow and the temp hasn't got above freezing for a good few days with another 10 days instore for us. The motorbike hasnot coped well with this. I put a new battery on just before Christmas and now the cold has killed that one as well! I wouldnt mind but I had been starting and running the bike every couple of days to warm it through and keep the battery charged so now I will have to buy a trickle charger as the battery is the gel type!
Wifeys car is on its last legs :( Im sure the thermostat has gone so a new one of those is due as well as the tax. Still with any luck the new contract for work should be starting in the next couple of weeks so some new income is hopefully forthcoming.
Now I want to come onto a bit of a serious issue. I want to talk about something that is well known but still is not talked of out in the open. My reasons for this are that someone close to me opened up to me over Christmas because they knew I have and still do suffer from this condition, although not in constant way anymore.
Depression is a common ailment today and is still hidden under the carpet as a taboo subject. I have suffered this in the extreme from full blackouts that last a couple of days, where I lose all memory and this has happened only once thank goodness, to the more everyday down in a deep rut that you just cannot pull yourself out of. When you first start getting depressed you have no idea whats happening. You just think you are really fed up! We all get down sometimes and thats just the way of things, its normal and nothing to panic about. But time passes and you start to fell really lost. You dont want to do anything and even the most simple of tasks seem like mountanous obsticles that you just wont have the energy to overcome....even something as simple as moving to make a cup of tea.
Now I know some of you are thinking thats just lazy and it can appear so from the outside but it like a living hell. This whole process was for me like being in a train tunnel dug through the side of a mountain. There is no light at either end, you have come in so far you have no idea which way is out, forward or backwards. Its just blackness in your very soul and you have no idea what to do with yourself. It doesnt matter what anyone says that hasnt been through it. No amount of people trying to cheer you up helps infact it drives you further away. You want to be left alone but that is itself a vicious circle. The more time you are by yourself the worse you feel. The more time you spend with others the worse you feel.
You do tend to hide it as well. You overcompensate in front of other people so they wont pick up on whats wrong with you. I now know that others do it as well which is crazy because we dance around the issue likes its a plague. It gets wose and worse for you as you sink deeper and deeper until you start believing you are worthless. You dont deserve to be here and you turn your thoughts to suicide. Its amazing how many ways you can kill yourself when you actually think seriously about it. Every household implement can do it. You can walk out into the road in front of a big truck or bus. Take a long walk into the ocean . Hang yourself which is quick and easy providing you do it right, if you dont it will be slow and painful. Knives for stabbing, slashing or stabbing. You get the idea.
Depression turns into desperation. You are worthless and want to die. Some do with their secret intact leaving all those behind wondering what the hell has happened. I didnt sink that deep. I was close getting to the point of having things set up to do the deed but there was still a small piece of me at the back of my mind screaming at my darkest moments to stop to do something about this. Another person told me the thing that stopped them at the brink of suicide was the realisation there was a suicide clause in their life insurance which ment the kids would get nothing.
I went to the Drs. Its the single hardest thing I had ever done explaining to a stranger what was going on, what I had been going through, what I had contemplated. Turns out I wasnt alone. It is so common out there now you shouldnt hide it and go straight to the Drs as they will help. Ok its taking tablets which in your mind makes you weak. I thought that so I didnt take them long. Dont get me wrong they made me feel better so I stopped taking them. Didnt take long to feel depressed again.
The tablets correct a chemical imbalance in the brain. You do not need them for ever in fact I havnt had any now for about 4 years but they are a tool. They are a good tool. Theres no shame in them only societies ingnorance and stigma. Thankfully the someone who I spoke at length with over Christmas has passed through the worse of the dark tunnel. They are getting help and even though the road ahead is long they will get there of that I have no doubt.
Am I cured? Nope. Ive learnt ways to deal with my depression. Simple tricks like walking the dig and working on my allotment. You learn to recognise when a bout is coming on and at times you still hit rock bottom but the tunnel is never as long these days. When I crash headlong into one there is always light at the other end.
So why all this all this as my first post in the new year? Well it is a new year a new start, perhaps we could all be a little better at understanding each other. Not be so judgemental of things we dont understand.
Heres to an excellent year :)
Thursday, 17 December 2009
And the festive season is upon us.
So we are well into the realms of mad Christmas gift buying. Fighting our way through the throngs of people who are all desperate to find the correct gifts for their loved ones and all those family members that you dont hear from for the other 11 months of the year. Ive been watching people maxing out their credit cards on extravagant gifts with fear in thier eyes of have they got it right as if love can be bought from one materialistic expression on a holiday that seems to have lost all of its original meaning in our society of disposable possesions.
You grumpy git you may be thinking and I am the first to admit I can be bah humbug but I do like Christmas. I love the time I spend with family and its always a happy couple of days but for me that is Christmas. I really dont care about lavish gifts because the best gift is the kids laughter.
A strange experience happened today. I have completed the latest contract and as the next doesnt start until the end of January I thought it was time to add some qualifications to my skills. No point in being able to do stuff in our paper obsessed society without the right qualificatins. So I went along to ask at the local college about computer courses and a plumbimg course. I was taken straight to the plumbing building where the secretary sat me down in a classroom and promptly handed me an exam telling me I had 45 minutes to complete it. I thought this a bit odd but perhaps it was an entrance exam and I then filled the form out using maths I last used at school.
When done the exam was taken, along with myself, to the head tutor who marked it and then congratulated me on passing my City & Guilds level 1 in plumbing!!!!!
After the laughter stopped from me I asked what percenntage I got, 87% as it happens, and then told them I had only popped in to enquire about the course! After the shock sank in he told me that it was one of the highest marks this year and the fact I never sat the course didnt matter as my experience had obviously taught me all I needed to do for that level.
So I am now enrolled in the level 2 course which is a year long but I have been told I can be fast tracked through it which is good.
I have a hectic week coming up as im sure all of you do to so my next post may be a little while.
Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year (incase im not back before!)
You grumpy git you may be thinking and I am the first to admit I can be bah humbug but I do like Christmas. I love the time I spend with family and its always a happy couple of days but for me that is Christmas. I really dont care about lavish gifts because the best gift is the kids laughter.
A strange experience happened today. I have completed the latest contract and as the next doesnt start until the end of January I thought it was time to add some qualifications to my skills. No point in being able to do stuff in our paper obsessed society without the right qualificatins. So I went along to ask at the local college about computer courses and a plumbimg course. I was taken straight to the plumbing building where the secretary sat me down in a classroom and promptly handed me an exam telling me I had 45 minutes to complete it. I thought this a bit odd but perhaps it was an entrance exam and I then filled the form out using maths I last used at school.
When done the exam was taken, along with myself, to the head tutor who marked it and then congratulated me on passing my City & Guilds level 1 in plumbing!!!!!
After the laughter stopped from me I asked what percenntage I got, 87% as it happens, and then told them I had only popped in to enquire about the course! After the shock sank in he told me that it was one of the highest marks this year and the fact I never sat the course didnt matter as my experience had obviously taught me all I needed to do for that level.
So I am now enrolled in the level 2 course which is a year long but I have been told I can be fast tracked through it which is good.
I have a hectic week coming up as im sure all of you do to so my next post may be a little while.
Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year (incase im not back before!)
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
Good News Good News!
What a difference a day really does make. The phone call for work never came so I made a couple of calls and lined up an interview or two. Wifey did the same and as a result this afternoon we both have jobs that start in the morning!
I will be doing handyman work for a chain of three homes that support adults with learning difficulties and wifey is working for a shop in the Victoria Centre so happy days.
Looks like Christmas should be good after all!
I will be doing handyman work for a chain of three homes that support adults with learning difficulties and wifey is working for a shop in the Victoria Centre so happy days.
Looks like Christmas should be good after all!
Monday, 23 November 2009
Getting settled.
I think I reached a new level of stress on this move. A plain of existence that brought home the fact that I am now 36 years old not 26 and I really need to get fitter because 10 days constant work no longer sits right with my body. Yes I have to admit that I feared a stroke or heart attack and once we were into the following day my body seemed to know that the worse of the decorating, building and moving boxes was over then took the opportunity to shut down and lock up for the day.
Still the worst is done and the house now resembles a home. The youngest starts school in the morning and the eldest should start next Monday. I was due to start work in the morning but as yet no one has called to confirm a start time....if they dont I will shoot down to another agency and sign up with them instead. I refuse to worry about it and I will get onboard with someone else as I have already made a couple of calls. I can be so sensible sometimes! I suppose its a case of having to be as we are skint after the move and Christmas is heading quickly in this direction.
I am the proud owner of two allotments here in sunny Nottingham. The best bit is they are directly behind the back garden so not far to go and potter. They have not been used in a long long time so there is alot of clearing to do but nothing worse than my old allotments were like.
We are finally connected to the internet again! The reason for my absense of late was the fact the old connection was playing up and I couldnt log on! Still here we are and the ramblings will continue!!!
My bike was parked up so long the battery died so it has been a mad hunt for a new one. The difference in prices from shop to shop is crazy!! The highest price was £44 but I paid £31 in the end so it proves its best to make more than one phone call!
So a fresh start all round and we are very very happy to be here.
Still the worst is done and the house now resembles a home. The youngest starts school in the morning and the eldest should start next Monday. I was due to start work in the morning but as yet no one has called to confirm a start time....if they dont I will shoot down to another agency and sign up with them instead. I refuse to worry about it and I will get onboard with someone else as I have already made a couple of calls. I can be so sensible sometimes! I suppose its a case of having to be as we are skint after the move and Christmas is heading quickly in this direction.
I am the proud owner of two allotments here in sunny Nottingham. The best bit is they are directly behind the back garden so not far to go and potter. They have not been used in a long long time so there is alot of clearing to do but nothing worse than my old allotments were like.
We are finally connected to the internet again! The reason for my absense of late was the fact the old connection was playing up and I couldnt log on! Still here we are and the ramblings will continue!!!
My bike was parked up so long the battery died so it has been a mad hunt for a new one. The difference in prices from shop to shop is crazy!! The highest price was £44 but I paid £31 in the end so it proves its best to make more than one phone call!
So a fresh start all round and we are very very happy to be here.
Saturday, 7 November 2009
Im stuck in the cardboard Alps!
As of late I have been crazy busy!
The move is on for Nottingham :) We collect the keys for the house up there first thing in the morning and a new start is on the way. The beauty of this move is we have paid for our present house until the end of the month, but I start work in two weeks, so I have two weeks to get our stuff from one to the other! With that amount of time I can literally make a new home for wifey and the kids before they move in which should make the transition alot easier especially on my grumpy teenager.
The house we are in is in surprisingly good order and this is due to only packing a van load at a time. The only drawback is I asked our local shop to save me some boxes and I think I now have more than a cardboard box factory!! Still it saves a fortune on buying the things so im not complaining!
Im going back on the road driving trucks to start with, although this isnt my first choice of what I want to do career wise, until something more interesting comes along. Wifey is now looking for work up there as well so hopefully we will both be working soon and get to replace our worn out furniture :)
MOT time had come around for my car again and of course it failed. Nothing too serious thankfully. Before I took it in I replaced the handbrake lever and rear lights so the only thing I missed was a rear suspension bush! The garage did that for a few pennies so hopefully we have another year out of our old jalopy before it needs replacing...as you can see im not that confident it will run for another year let alone pass another MOT LOL. Maybe I will be wrong and I hope so!
Im really looking forward to a new start and working with people again. Theres only so much of the kids talk you can take before you feel yourself dumbing down on a permenant basis! I will keep you updated on how the move goes and what the new job is like :)
The move is on for Nottingham :) We collect the keys for the house up there first thing in the morning and a new start is on the way. The beauty of this move is we have paid for our present house until the end of the month, but I start work in two weeks, so I have two weeks to get our stuff from one to the other! With that amount of time I can literally make a new home for wifey and the kids before they move in which should make the transition alot easier especially on my grumpy teenager.
The house we are in is in surprisingly good order and this is due to only packing a van load at a time. The only drawback is I asked our local shop to save me some boxes and I think I now have more than a cardboard box factory!! Still it saves a fortune on buying the things so im not complaining!
Im going back on the road driving trucks to start with, although this isnt my first choice of what I want to do career wise, until something more interesting comes along. Wifey is now looking for work up there as well so hopefully we will both be working soon and get to replace our worn out furniture :)
MOT time had come around for my car again and of course it failed. Nothing too serious thankfully. Before I took it in I replaced the handbrake lever and rear lights so the only thing I missed was a rear suspension bush! The garage did that for a few pennies so hopefully we have another year out of our old jalopy before it needs replacing...as you can see im not that confident it will run for another year let alone pass another MOT LOL. Maybe I will be wrong and I hope so!
Im really looking forward to a new start and working with people again. Theres only so much of the kids talk you can take before you feel yourself dumbing down on a permenant basis! I will keep you updated on how the move goes and what the new job is like :)
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